butterflies in disguise
by beckasaurusrex
Summary: they just fly on by; yeah, they're making me sick. they don't flutter about, i'd do without; all they do is kick.


**Please, don't be mean about this. It's the first time I've ever written Adam, and I do so very hope to do him justice. (I'd appreciate it highly if I could get some input on whether or not I did that, just saying.) It's just something I've been wanting to write for a long time now, and since Degrassi's going on a hiatus and all, I figure, what better time than the present? I really like this story and I hope you do to :)**

**On with the reading, then!**

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><p>Some days, he wonders why he puts up with people at all. They suck. Not all people, not really, just most of them. He somehow always ends up hurt, and he can't stand it. Every time he tries to do something right, he gets screwed over.<p>

First off, there's his brother. He loves the guy, he really does, but his brother isn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box. And he's such a 'Casanova', too. The guy has no idea how to get a girl of his own, not since his first girlfriend here. Ever since the two broke up, his brother has gone after every single girl that _he's_ liked first. There he goes, always whisking the girl off her feet in a way he never could.

He really does love his brother, he promises.

And then there are his best friends. Well, they _were_ his best friends. He doesn't know anymore, because ever since they got together and broke up, it's been so weird. He's friends with them, he still talks to them and all that, but not as much as before; not as often as he'd like. He misses them, because they _got_ him. They listened and they would make everything better.

He wants things to go back to normal with them more than anything in the world.

But don't even get him started on his mother. She's not as bad as Cinderella's, but she's awful in her own way. All she wants is for him to be a girl again, but he can't that. He is _not_ a girl, and his mother outright refuses to accept that. She has literally called it a 'phase'. He doesn't know what else to do to convince her that no, he isn't a girl, he never _was_ a girl, and he'll never _be _a girl. He's a boy and that's that.

He just wishes she'd accept it; she doesn't have to understand him, but he doesn't think it's too much to ask for her to accept him as he is.

Add those to the bullies, and everything else, and he just really wishes he could meet someone new; someone who didn't know him as the transgender freak; someone who just knows him as who he is, not what people call him.

Sighing heavily, he stops his musings because oh, look, there was a bell shouldn't he be getting to class soon? He's pretty sire school will take his mind off things. At least, he hopes so.

* * *

><p>He walks into his first class of the day, chemistry because for some reason God really does have a sick sense of humor (if he believed in God, at least, because if someone really is up there to make life better, why hasn't He been around for him?) and stops short when he spots an unfamiliar face. Yes, there are new kids in the class, it's a new year so there should be, but he knows a lot of the kids in red shirts.<p>

Not this girl.

She's sitting by herself, looking down at a sheet of paper and chewing her lip, her eyebrows furrowed and she has this look, a cross between being nervous and being excited. He wonders who she is, and where she's from, and why she's by herself.

So, he decided to find out.

Walking over to her with a confidence he's not sure he really has, he smiles and takes the seat beside her, facing her, offering his hand, "Hi, I'm Adam."

She jumps a little, looking up from the piece of paper and smiling. It's a nervous kind of smile, but it reaches her eyes and to him, that's what counts. Her eyes are violet, and he makes a note to ask her about it one day, since that's not exactly something you can spurt out before you even know someone's name.

"I'm Eva. I'm kind of new, if you couldn't tell. Nice to meet you." She tells him, shaking his hand quickly. Her skin is warm, and her eyes are, too. He thinks maybe, hopefully, perhaps, they might be friends one day. Possibly.

He smiles back in that friendly way, trying to make that nervous look in her eyes go away. He doesn't like when people are nervous around him. It always makes him feel like they _know_, and that they don't like him because of it.

"I figured. Where're you from?" He asks curiously, but his voice has dropped to a whisper because the teacher's talking about… Whatever it is teachers discuss on the first day of school. He doesn't care, he knows the teacher already so it's nothing new.

"New York City. I actually miss it a lot more than I expected, considering it's so… Not for me." She shrugs, her voice a low, soft croon. He thinks she sounds pretty, and he likes it. He's not sure why, and it makes him confused, but he doesn't want to think about it too much. He just wants to talk.

He nods, pursing his lips, thinking. 'Not for her'. What does that mean? "What do you mean, it's not for you?" He asks her, voicing his question. He wants to know about her, because she seems… Normal. And he could use normal in his life.

She shrugs, responding, "I just didn't want to be there. I'm more of a small town girl, to be honest." She smiles a little, and hums a song under her breath. He chuckles softly, knowing the song and the lyrics because of his best friend. He doesn't particularly like the song, but he doesn't mind it, and he thinks it's funny how it can pop up almost anywhere.

"That's cool. We're definitely not small, though, but I guess it's more spread out than New York here." He shrugs, chewing the inside of his lip, wondering what to say. He doesn't want to stop talking to her, she's nice. And maybe they could be friends. Perhaps.

She nods, murmuring, "Mhm," to him, tapping her fingers against her binder, looking towards the front of the class now. He does the same, and hopes that the teacher doesn't call them out on finally 'paying attention'. Because really, what is there to pay attention to on the first day? Nothing, that's what. It's just the same thing over and over again.

Suddenly, he has an idea.

"Hey, Eva, can I see your schedule?" He asks her softly, reaching over to her desk when the teacher's not looking. He seems her smile out of the corner of his eye and she slides the sheet of paper into his hand.

He grins, pulling out his own schedule to see if they have any other classes together. Hey, he can be curious. Especially if it means a possible, likely new friend for him. Eyes scanning over the two sheets of paper, he can't help it when he smiles. They have a _lot_ of classes together. Maybe they will be friends after all.

If she can handle what he is.

He shakes the thought from his head, pulling out a pen and writing on her schedule with a smile.

**We have lots of classes together, Eva. Good or bad?**

He chews his lip, waiting for her to write back after he hands it back. He hears her giggle, and he just can't keep the smile off his face. She's just so normal, so sweet; he really thinks that they'd be friends. He hopes so, to be honest, because he needs friends.

**Great. Duh. **

She slips the sheet back on his desk with her response, and he smiles because she drew a huge smiley face beside it and her handwriting is kind of messy but still pretty in that girl kind of way. The kind of way that he tries his hardest to stay away from.

He leans over and whispers to her, his lips barely moving so the teacher won't notice, "Good, because if you got lost, I don't know what I'd do," and he's really only half joking, because he wouldn't want her to get lost. She's so nice, it's the least he can do to help her out.

"Thanks, Adam, that's so nice of you." She tells him, voice back to normal because the bell just rung and that means it's time for them to go on to their next class together.

"No problem, Eva. C'mon, let's go." He says, smiling back and grabbing her wrist to drag her along. She's laughing as he does, and his smile turns into a grin when he hears it. He just keeps pulling her, ignoring the stares he's getting from some of the people he knows around. He doesn't care, because she's still laughing and her skin is warm beneath his fingers and he can feel her pulse speeding up _just a little_.

Yep, they're definitely going to be good friends.

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><p>He walks out of his last class of the day, sighing in relief. One day down, only a million more (or at least it still feels like it) to go. He just wants it to be over, is that too much to ask?<p>

He stops when he sees the girl that's been plaguing his thoughts all day, whether he was around her or not. He just couldn't help it, she's nice and funny and sweet and she gets along with almost everyone. He really wants them to be good friends.

"Eva!" He calls, and he really likes her name. It's different, and pretty. Though, he did call her 'Ev' by mistake to Dave earlier, so he thinks that might stick better. He's not sure why, though, it just sounds… Lighter.

She turns and smiles, waving at him with all her fingers, asking, "Hey, Adam. How was your first day?" She squints her eyes against the sun, and he almost frowns. He likes her eyes. They're a really pretty shade of violet, and he wonders how that could be.

"Alright. But being around you was the highlight of it." He tells her, and he wonders just where that came from. He doesn't flirt, especially with girls he barely knows. She probably thinks he's some weirdo now, amazing.

Not that he isn't, but whatever. She doesn't know that.

She looks down, biting her lip and smiling as she says, "Thanks. You were the highlight of my day, too. Especially since I don't know anyone." She shrugs, looking back up and smiling that pretty smile at him. He smiles back, because it's just so contagious, her smile. Bright and warm and pretty and it reaches her eyes every time.

"Want to go to The Dot?" He asks her, out of the blue, and she nods, smiling. She pulls out her phone, sending a quick text to what he assumes is her mom, before offering him her arm.

"Shall we, sir?" She asks, in a really bad British accent, and he laughs, looping his arm through hers. She's charming, she is. He could get used to being around her.

"We shall." He replies in an equally awful British accent, chuckling. He can't help it, she's just easy to be around. He wishes his other friends were here, but they're not, and he supposes that he's alright with that.

He's alright with the fact that he's got to make new friends, because he's been doing pretty well at it so far, and maybe it'll be good for him to branch out more. He needs to make more friends, really, because he can't rely on the same people always sticking around. Especially after everything that's happened.

His shoulder hurts just thinking about it.

"Are you okay, Adam? You look kinda spacey."

Her voice jolts him from his thoughts, and he looks over at her. She's got a concerned look on her face, and he kind of feels bad for spacing out. But he does it often, he's not sure why, and he can't help it.

"Sorry, Eva. I just… I space a lot. Don't worry." He tells her with a calm smile, shrugging one shoulder and making sure they're going the right way.

He doesn't even realize that he's still got his arm looped through hers and oh, her skin is really warm and it feels good against his own cool skin. Maybe it should come in contact more often. Their skin, he means.

Oh, god, that was not an okay thought. He's just not okay with all the mental images he just got, mostly because a lot of them are anatomically incorrect and it pisses him off. But some of them are great, he just doesn't want to think about it because he barely knows her and that's just not right.

"We're here. Want to sit inside or outside?" Her voice pulls him from his thoughts again, and he shrugs.

"Wherever is okay." He says, and she nods, walking inside. They sit in a table beside the windows, his arm finally coming undone from hers.

He can't do this. If he's going to be friends with her, he's got to tell her about what he is. He has to tell her, because if he doesn't, and she finds out from someone else, they might make her change her mind about him and she'll never want to talk to him again. And he doesn't want that, not at all.

"Eva… I have to tell you something." He says quietly, looking back at her, and she bites her lip, worry plain as day on her face. He doesn't like it, because it causes unnecessary wrinkles to show and really, smile crinkles just look so much better on her.

She rests her chin in her palm, asking, "What's wrong, Adam? You're not like, some raging psycho perv or something, are you?" She jokes, trying to make him laugh. And it works, he does chuckle a little, even going along with the joke.

"Yep, I'm so hot for you right now, Ev, oh god, let me have you." He teases, and she bursts into giggles, and he chuckles. She covers her mouth when she laughs, and he can see a little dark mark on her finger, something unnatural. He thinks she might've inked herself, and he makes a note to ask her about that, too. So now he has to ask her about two things: her eyes, and her possible tattoo.

"Sorry, sweetie, I'm the 'wait until I'm in love' kinda girl." She scrunches her face in a way he can't help but find adorable, smiling at him. He shrugs, pouting playfully, and she giggles again. He chuckles, but takes a deep breath when he remembers what it is he has to tell her.

"Eva, I – I'm an FTM. Female to –"

"I know what that is, Adam. I'm from New York, remember? My old English teacher was one, too, but he got this operation a couple years ago and yeah. And hey, if it makes you feel less weird, I'm pansexual. And my Mom doesn't know yet. Only a couple people do. Consider yourself special."

She's smiling at him in a simple way, shrugging. To say that he's amazed is an understatement. He really didn't expect her to be so cool about all of this. And her being pansexual, that was another unexpected twist. She just doesn't strike him as – well, really, she does. She just seems like the person to love anyone and everyone, simply because she can.

"Thanks, Eva, for being so cool about this. I – I really want us to be friends, and I don't know what I'd do if you weren't okay with… What I am." He says softly, smiling at her, grateful and happy that he's found another person who accepts him.

She cocks her eyebrow, saying, "Accepting you for what you are? You mean a boy? Well, why wouldn't I? You like me, even though I'm new and awkward. And I want to be friends with you, too." She shrugs, smiling at him simply.

Yep. He can definitely see them being good friends in the very near future.


End file.
